The idealistic-pernickety-perfectionist-intolerant individual – The Ruler.
Summary: Reformer, moralist, and perfectionist. An orderly person with principles, punctual, systematic, and methodical. Adaptive. Polite and formal, with a focus on status and rank.
Passion: Anger. Fears being condemned – desires to be right.
Self-perception: I am fair and objective, I am morally obligated.
Demands perfection from oneself and others, and is always critical of oneself for not being perfect enough. Learned to decipher and master the rules of the game to easily achieve recognition and love.
Usually with a dominant parent, with the other somewhat in the background – often negative identification with the father and the mother as a strong personality. Strong and often unspoken parental criticism, strict moral prohibitions of religious, moral, or ethical nature were internalized in a Superego, which quickly makes them feel guilty if they do not live up to the learned ideals.
They were severely criticized and punished and learned to monitor themselves to avoid making mistakes – without receiving praise or rewards. Much of their energy is used to avoid feeling guilty or to process guilt over their flaws, correct errors, and rectify them. Inner desires (anger and sexuality) were suppressed as children, and therefore, they learned to exclude their own desires by focusing on the correct way of doing things. They were good, compliant children. Learned to behave properly, take responsibility, and be correct in the eyes of others. They were expected to take on adult responsibilities early on. Childhood security depended on self-control. Expressing defiance and anger is unacceptable because it means loss of self-control. They therefore suppress their own needs that are not acceptable and correct in order not to lose recognition and love.
Critical of oneself and others. Always has a strong inner critical voice that comments on what they think and do. Often morally condemning. Has developed a judgmental attitude towards others who break the “rules” without remorse. Self-righteousness over others’ “easy” solutions when they themselves put in so much effort to be correct and have to give up so much. When the reward for their perfect behavior is absent – they must praise themselves.
Convinced that there is only one correct path. Procrastinates out of fear of making mistakes. Delays decisions, even small things are overcomplicated so they cannot get started. Overdramatizes small errors – so everything has to start over! Others become scapegoats. Often pedantic nitpicking. Finds negative criticism in otherwise innocent remarks. Finds faults and flaws in all situations, the treatment in stores, restaurants, others in traffic. This stems from training their attention as a child to quickly find faults in things that others would characterize as fine. Concern for proper attire. Afraid of compromising oneself. Being perfect all the time requires a lot of energy and often leads to depression when it fails. Restlessness and chronic feeling of irritation.
Others often feel uncomfortable in their presence because they seem dissatisfied. They are not aware that they are irritated and angry, but facial expressions, redness in the face, and agitated criticism arise in conversations and discussions where they thought they were just emphasizing important connections. They have developed a rigid body language. When they feel they are right, physical energy is expressed, the inner critical voice weakens, and outbursts of anger feel liberating. Drinking, outbursts of anger, and intense sexual activities relieve the pressure periodically built up by unconscious needs. The causes of the outbursts are usually unknown – it takes a skilled partner to read the signs of anger and find the underlying cause. Outbursts of anger can be “volcanic” and completely disproportionate. However, anger can also be channeled constructively through sublimation.
Feels morally and ethically superior to others. Hypocritical, cannot see their own contradictions. Unconscious comparisons of thoughts and actions against an ideal standard are constantly made. They have a habit of comparing themselves to others: I/myself is better than… and worry about their criticism. They find it very difficult to accept criticism from others, find it painful